I was born and raised in San Diego and, with the exception of bit of travel and a couple of missions trips, I hadn't lived anywhere other than SD, and then we moved to Long Beach.
We, my husband and I, lived in Long Beach for a little over two years and then we moved back to San Diego, only to move back to Long Beach two years later. So, here we are, living in Long Beach for the second time and once again it's been a little over two years.
Moving to Long Beach for the second time has been the biggest emotional adventure I have been on in my short thirty years on this planet. What changed? I became a mother. I became a mother and it changed everything. The moment I found out I was pregnant, the part of me that I tried so long to awaken on my own, burst open. I finally understood to the depth of my core who I was and who I was created to be. It was liberating, and devastating at the same time, because there is a lot about myself that needed to change, needed to heal. It was the biggest reality check ever.
So, I spent from 2011-2013 learning about who I am. Going into and investigating the darkest parts of me and the places I feared the most. I did that through reading books, journaling, endless conversations. tears, and lots and lots of prayer.
2013 was the first year I decided that instead of new years resolutions, I would give myself a word, and that word was Kindness. I learned how to be kind to myself. I learned that that meant knowing my true identity in who the Creator has made me to be and not in who I made myself out to be in response to my life experiences and the lies I believed along the way. Being kind meant being able to love my outward appearance and taking pride in taking care of it. Being kind meant being conscious of what I put inside my body. Being kind meant investing in my marriage and not holding back from falling completely in love, because a long time ago I believed I didn't deserve it. Being kind meant investing in my child and confronting my bad habits, so I don't pass them on, or hurt him in the same way I had been hurt. Being kind meant loving my neighbors as myself and investing in their lives and extending kindness and encouragement to them. 2013 was a life changing, healing year.
The biggest thing that I learned was that I had a weakness, one that needed to change. I realized I have a lot to say, I have a lot of ideas when it comes to visual design and hopes of creating my own business so that I could be artistic without limits. I wanted to go back to school and take my love and fervor, for all things moms and babies, to the next level and become a doula. I wanted to be able to make a to-do list and to actually complete it. I wanted to create goals for myself, large and small, but I realized I lacked one thing.
BRAVERY. So this year, 2014, is all about me being brave. Stepping out and doing the things I daydream about, never again to look back and regret time wasted - it begins with this site, with this blog entry.